It's all white here: A Kogan
by CHEW-A-STRAW
Summary: AU. Logan is sick. Their are voices. But it's okay. Kendall is there...FYI THERE IS CHARACTER DEATH


**this wasn't going to be a fanfic. LOL. IT was going to be a short story for something else lol. Anyway, Logan popped into my head so I went with it. WARNING: SUICIDE...that's all i can think of.**

The room is empty. I sit in a corner. Stare at wall. I wonder if I will leave. Perhaps later. Or maybe not at all. The corner is nice. Warm and not too bright. My headaches are fine for now. The voices are gone too. I miss Em though. She was nice. The rest where mean. But it's ok. They are gone now.

I thought they would keep me in the jacket. But they took it off. Maybe that is why there is nothing in here. My feet are bare. No socks or shoes. I still got service...he-he, it's a joke.

The floor is carpet. It's white. Everything is white. I tilt my head to the right. The door opened and I smile. He is there. He is my boyfriend. He smiles a little at me and walks in.

"HI" I said happily. He waves and sits across from me.

"Hon, I love you."

"And I you" I am so happy. He smiles again, but he looks sad. SO I lay my head in his lap and he strokes my hair.

"You won't be in here too long babe." He says.

"I know. Will you still be waiting for me?" I wonder. I hear him chuckle a bit.

"Yes Logie. I will" I love Kendall. He is smart, and funny and loving and…I don't remember why I am here. I sit up and stare into the green eyes I love the most. "Kenny…why am I again?"

HE chokes back what might be tears. He says "You got sick Logie. Like your mom, and her brother and their mother." I blinked. Oh right. That. The voices. That was never normal. But Kendall got me help. I got help. I took medicine. I was doing great. But I forgot them one day, and the voices came back.

The band broke up, and I heard lots of bad things inside my head. Kendall tried to help me. He watched me a lot. He saved me from killing myself. 14 times. That's how many times I wanted to kill myself. He saved me.

But I am here now. But I know I won't leave. Probably this room, but not the grounds. I will be outside with the flowers and other things. But I won't go back home. No Palmwoods, no Minnesota either. I will be here forever and that is okay.

Kendall won't wait. He loves me, but not that much. My mind feels like jelly. All the math and science I learned is no longer in my brain. I feel useless. But it's okay. I am safe now.

I lean into Kendall, and he wraps his arms around me. "Can I fall asleep like this? One more time?"

He leans down and kisses my lips. It was sweet, yet very passionate. He tastes like coffee and chocolate. I like chocolate. He pulls back, and lifts me so I'm in his lap. He cradles me and my head hits his chest. He smells like soap and sandalwood. "yes love. Yes you can"

Smiling, I close my eyes. It's warm here too. Much better than the corner. I fall asleep. I knew when I woke, Kendall would be gone, and I would be in this room.

24 hours. They will keep me here for 24 hours. Just to observe me. It's okay. The voices are gone. Kendall is here, I am fine. Or at least I think I am.

_The walls are white. I'm wearing white. It's snowing. But I am marrying Kendall. _

I _sit in my bed. Kendall is there and he's naked. I'm in white. The walls are white. He kisses me. My bed is white._

_James and Carlos are here now. They wear white. They stand in a kitchen. It's white. Kendall is on one knee in a white tux. There is a ring._

_I sit on beach. But it's snowing. I am in pajamas that are white. Kendall picks me up. But he's not in white. He is rainbow. He is my color. My light. My everything._

I wake up. He is gone. I am in the room. But something isn't white. I look in the corner. I was sitting there before. It's green and brown. Kendall's hoodie. Green and brown…..

I don't leave the room. I die. Why? I killed myself. They tried to stop me, but I was fast. I put on the hoodie and sat in the corner. They watched me. But couldn't see what I was doing. I suffocated myself. They didn't really know what I was doing.

I saw Kendall again. He died too. He slit his wrists to be with me in Heaven. I love him. He loves me. I'm not sick in Heaven.

I met my grandmother and uncle. Kendall meets them and mom. Were okay. The voices are gone and everything is white. But I'm sane here.

Kendall kisses me.

I kiss him.

We are forever, together.


End file.
